Why does everything have to be so frustrating and hard lately? I mean jesus! I am up shit Niagara without a rubber ring and the fecal coast guard is on holiday.
I mean, I know life will never go how you planned, but at the moment it's on a downward spiral to rock bottom. I literally have no idea who I am anymore because of it. It's hard to believe the events of last year have changed me as much as they did, I am just...lost, I guess.
I'm failing miserably at college, with what were good grades just melting away like a nazi who just cracked open the arc of the covenant, I'm having up-and-down mood swings (mostly down) that are really playing havoc with my home life, and I find myself at a bar every saturday night for the past month getting drunk and trying to suppress all these feelings for another week.
It's gotta stop, I'm gonna hurt myself otherwise.
I just found myself laying in bed this morning and trying so hard to find a reason to get up. I practically have nothing left to really live for. I've managed to piss everything away and fuck a lot of things up. So I figure the one, sole reason for carrying on right now is curiosity.
I want to see where I do end up in the next ten years. I am going to try and make it up to myself, because at this point...it's only really me who gives a shit about ME!
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